Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
