i think my tv is drunk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
