her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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