If i could tip my vagina, i would.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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