just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize