you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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