I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
