im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was confusing and full of hummus
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
