I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
