She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
