i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
