I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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