once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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