I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
