i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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