I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm both gender and math confused
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
