When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
