she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
