We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
