I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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