On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Boobs are out for the taking
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You brought string cheese to the strip club
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
