Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
