After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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