just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
