Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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