ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
