Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize