very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
