Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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