Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
