using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
