9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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