I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
