You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
