i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Bring me that man meat
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
