Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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