he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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