I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
