I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
