doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
