Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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