then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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