I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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