So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
