yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
