Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
