Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
