Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
