It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
