is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
