i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
