so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
