just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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