Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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