Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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