My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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