I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
