he shaved USA in his pubs
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
