my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize