i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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