just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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