Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to sanitize my soul.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
