walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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