Don't you send me to vm
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
