he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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