somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
